la fin

the end~  I can't believe that it is finally time to end this chapter, that of voyaging, trying new activities and new food, intense soul-searching, and of course writing about all of it.  Although I shall continue most or all of those things on my own, this is the end of "findings of a future francophone." To those who have read some or all of the entries, THANK YOU.  I honestly didn't really expect to write this to be read; it was more of a way to guarantee to myself that I would record my personal journey.  But a million MERCIs and I NI CHEs to those of you who decided to come on this journey with me.

Looking back to my first entry, I am intrigued by how fulfilled my goals and expectations for this year abroad are.  I said that I wanted to find continuity and consistency in myself, that I was seeking vocation by throwing myself into a world where all of the variables change to find what is constant within that self.  Little did I realize, even while abroad, how much that would actually happen.  In France, I was so happy all the time that there was only so deep I would let my thoughts go...only so far into the negative recesses of myself I would wander.  In Mali, I was so beaten down by the experience that I couldn't even see how much  of my true self-good and bad- was being exposed.  But after 5 weeks at home, I am beginning to see emerge a balance that has never before existed in my life.  Of course, I will probably spend the rest of my existence passively discovering where all of the pieces of this experience fit, but there are a few things that I have concluded, and it is all I need to know for now:


  I am a girl who knows a lot less than she thought she did about the world before going abroad, but I am going to change that.  This experience already has begun the process.  I also love the French language more deeply than I ever thought possible, and I hope to use my new DALF C1 diploma in work or study later in life.  Running is my addiction and I could never live for an extended period in a place where pollution or cultural stigmas limit me from doing that.  I have been living my Christian faith superficially; I wear a band that says integrity on my wrist for a reason, and I am ready to dig deeper.  Never have I needed to trust in God as much as I needed to in Mali, and never have I had the kind of Christian community I had in France.  Both of those were essential steps in readying me for my next journey, a much deeper and less obvious one.  Sleep, silence, and prayer, ARE important, and I am finally ready to start valuing them truly rather than touting their importance and then being too "busy" for them all the time.  Focus is essential; sometimes you have to say no, and sometimes you have to make a decision rather than making a compromise.  I want to live my life being more environmentally conscious than ever; I never fully understood the negative power of trash until I saw it burning on the side of the street being eating by animals and dug through by women hoping to re-use plastic bottles.  I am quickly turning into a flexible vegetarian.  I understand anew the value of relationships-- especially family ones.  Finally, speaking of vocation, I still believe that medical school is right for me, but maybe just medical school.  There is always the possibility of doing an exchange in France during the second or third year if I do that!  But my first choice, for reasons I don't fully understand is Vanderbilt's medical school and divinity school (an amazing dual degree program).  


I urge you to go on with your own personal travels as I am, finding an environment and your own inner strength to hold onto hope; without it, all is darkness.  After all, "hope is the wedding of two freedoms, human and divine, in the acceptance of a love that is at once a promise and the beginning of fulfillment." ~Thomas Merton.


But that is another journey altogether.  Again, thank you for traveling with me on this one.

FIN

Rennes

(note: I wrote this entry a month and a half ago while actually in France... sorry for the late post)

"Rennes est une ville où il fait bon vivre.  [C'est] aussi une ville qui si nourrit de la diversité de sa région, la Bretagne.  Union de la terre et de la mer, l'Armor, la Bretagne de la mer, étire du Mont-Saint-Michel à Brest et de Brest à Nantes, une côte magnifique aux noms évocateurs...c'est aussi la Bretagne des peintres, là où la lumière est la plus belle...la Bretagne intérieure, l'Argoat, est...plus mistique, où l'on rencontre des forêts de légende...mégalithes, châteaux, manoirs, et villages anciens."

"Rennes is a city where the living is good.  It is also a city that thrives on the diversity of its region, Brittany.  Union of earth and sea, Armor, Brittany of the Sea, reaches from Mont-Saint-Michel to Brest and from Brest to Nantes with a magnificent, evocatively named coast...It is also Brittany of painters, here where the light is the most beautiful... Inland Brittany is... more mystical, where one encounters legendary forests, megaliths, castles, manors, and ancient villages."

best hot chocolate in the world!!!

The explosion of life and love, relationship, joy, well-being, kindness, and comfort that hit me when I reached Rennes after a LONG semester in Mali was enough to keep me gasping for breath and floating on the clouds for my entire two-week stay there.  Whether it be the beautiful welcome and soft pink comforter waiting for me at my church friends' house where I stayed or the smiling woman at the post office who spent ten minutes searching to give me pretty stamps instead of normal ones, I found myself surprised to the point of tears by this kindness that I understand.  It also makes me believe that if I ever encounter a Malian stateside, I will greet him or her for about 15 minutes just so that he or she may experience a sign of kindness recognizable through the lens of Malian culture.  I was content to stare at the pastries, appreciating them for their precious ingredients, their beauty, and the cleanliness of the shelves on which they sat.  My French program directors offered a warm welcome, sympathy, encouragement, and even a good old American hug.  I visited the most beautiful park in the city, appreciating the flowers and the lawns on which people are not allowed to walk.  My little host sisters seemed all grown up when I went back for dinner with the family.  It was Monday night so according to tradition, we had to have galettes!!!  And of course, I spent quality time with the people of my church-- friends my age, the couple that took care of me.  I was able to witness baptisms and meet some of the youth as well as to sing the beautiful French hymns I grew to love last semester- scripture paired with harmony.  

an old friend down the street from the best spot in Paris...wonderful

Two weeks in Rennes and a weekend with a wonderful old friend in Paris later, I was finally ready to go home.  But my time in my favorite town of my favorite region of France left me certain of one thing: in this messy world, there is always a place waiting for you...maybe it is a place you have not yet visited.  Maybe it is a place you have never seen for what it really is to you; maybe it is a place to which you must return.  Aiken, South Carolina, here I come!!!